The Ultimate Betrayal (Or Is It?)

In what can only be described as the most delicious act of cultural treachery since… well, ever, The Betoota Advocate—an Australian satirical news publication—has published a piece titled “Why Marmite Is Better Than Vegemite But Not Better Than Easy Clicks On Your Website.” Yes, you read that correctly. An Australian publication has dared to suggest that Britain’s beloved Marmite might actually be superior to Australia’s national treasure, Vegemite. Before you start planning your celebratory toast (Marmite on, obviously), you should know that this isn’t quite the validation Marmite lovers might hope for. It’s satire, pure and simple—but brilliant satire that perfectly captures the absurdity of internet food debates and the clickbait culture that fuels them.

The “Arguments” for Marmite

The piece, penned by the wonderfully named “Jamie Hottake,” doesn’t exactly mount a serious defense of Marmite’s superiority. Instead, it offers gloriously shallow reasoning: Marmite has a “more saucey sensibility” that’s better suited for toast. Meanwhile, Vegemite is dismissed with the devastating observation that it “looks like something Gwyneth Paltrow should be selling as a colon cleansing candle.” Ouch. And from an Australian publication, no less! But here’s the brilliant twist: the article openly mocks itself and the reader for engaging with it. The title gives the game away by admitting it’s designed for “easy clicks.” The author explicitly acknowledges that “news stories about different types of food aren’t real news stories” and describes the piece as “a click piece designed to get up your factory-farmed goat.”

The Real Battle: Marmite vs. Vegemite

While The Betoota Advocate piece is tongue-in-cheek, the rivalry between Marmite and Vegemite is very real—and has been simmering since 1923, when Vegemite was developed in Australia as a local alternative to British Marmite. Both spreads are yeast extracts, both are intensely salty and savory, and both inspire fierce loyalty among their respective nations. But they’re definitely not identical twins:

Texture and Taste

Marmite (the UK version) has a syrupy, spreadable texture with a slightly sweeter, milder flavor profile. It’s intensely savory with subtle complexity—some detect notes of beef stock or soy sauce. Vegemite, on the other hand, is thicker, saltier, and packs a more intense, bitter umami punch. It’s less sweet and more aggressively savory. Australians often argue that Vegemite is the “adult” version—stronger and more sophisticated.

National Pride

This isn’t really about taste, though—it’s about national identity. Marmite is quintessentially British, tied to Sunday roasts, childhood memories, and the famous “love it or hate it” marketing campaign. Vegemite represents Australian resourcefulness, having been created during a time when importing British products was difficult. It’s appeared in songs, on Olympic uniforms, and in lunchboxes across the nation. The rivalry is akin to The Ashes cricket series: fierce, passionate, and ultimately good-natured (mostly).

Why This Satire Is Perfect

The Betoota Advocate piece works brilliantly because it exposes the absurdity of internet food debates while simultaneously participating in one. It’s self-aware clickbait that mocks clickbait culture—and we’re all clicking anyway because, let’s face it, we care deeply about which yeast extract spread reigns supreme. The article also highlights something important about both Marmite and Vegemite: they’re designed to provoke strong reactions. Marmite has built an entire marketing empire around “you either love it or hate it.” Vegemite inspires similar devotion (or disgust). These spreads don’t do middle ground—and neither do their fans.

So, Is Marmite Actually Better?

Here at I Love Marmite, we obviously have our position on this matter. But the truth is, asking whether Marmite or Vegemite is “better” is like asking whether tea or coffee is “better”—it depends on your palate, your cultural background, and probably what your parents put on your toast when you were five. What we can say with certainty is this: both spreads represent the pinnacle of yeast extract technology. Both have earned their place as cultural icons. And both deserve respect (even if one of them looks like Gwyneth Paltrow’s next wellness venture).

The Takeaway

The Betoota Advocate’s satirical piece isn’t really about Marmite or Vegemite—it’s about our need to have strong opinions about trivial things, and about how the internet has turned every preference into a battle. But you know what? We’re okay with that. Because in a world full of serious problems, having passionate debates about yeast extract spreads is kind of wonderful. It’s silly, it’s fun, and it reminds us that national pride can be expressed through breakfast condiments. So whether you’re Team Marmite or Team Vegemite (or heaven forbid, Team Neither), let’s raise a jar to the beautiful absurdity of it all. And to The Betoota Advocate for creating the satirical masterpiece that brings this eternal debate into sharp, hilarious focus. Just don’t tell our Australian readers we said Vegemite deserves respect. We have a reputation to maintain.